Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
