peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Randomize
