I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
