Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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