dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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