He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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