They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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