i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
