I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
