It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
