Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
