I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
