I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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