So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize