Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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