Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I could have mohawked her pubes.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Can I color on your dick again?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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