This dress was meant to end up on your floor
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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