I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
