she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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