conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
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you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize