Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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