i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
