GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
