I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
