your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
