And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
