I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
