SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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