I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
