I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I think my moral compass just broke
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
