apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
