A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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