Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
