everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
