i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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