the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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