Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
