how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
