this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
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She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
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Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Watching her eat just hurts me
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
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