I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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