Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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