why didn't you poke me back
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
