The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just had sex bonerless
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
