im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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