i was born a porn star she said
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
