She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
