I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
