angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
