dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
