I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
