I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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