I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
