so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
the day after is always just damage control
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
