The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
