ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
