No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
