paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
i need some magic done to my vagina
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
