the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
why do cheetos always look like penises
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Two words: blizzard sex
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