Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
