Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
