why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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