What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
