WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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