Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
