Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
