SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize