why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
