He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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