Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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