but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
