Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
