I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
