My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
