Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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