Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
