I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
