you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
