so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
