she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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