Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Randomize
