I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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