Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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