dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
