I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
