We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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